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Unsuccess

Whenever people ask me the difference in between Life Coaching and Counselling/Psychotherapy, I tell them: “Well I have not myself tried the other stuff, but from what people tell me, I guess that it is much more focused on the problem, while Coaching is regarding great possibilities.”

This means that coaches, hardcore self-developers and similar people generally go around with a really positive mindset, apparently inhabiting a life where the sun shines at all times, and the place in which for each one of life’s difficulties – oops sorry! – “challenges”, there is a comforting belief/rationalisation/slogan that makes it all sound like something that they needed all along. Lost your job? “At the moment I am free to pursue my actual purpose!” Boyfriend left you? “It wasn’t ‘meant’ to be!” Best friend just died? “Everything happens for a reason!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that most of these people truly do live through extremely happy lives. I am aware that I usually do However … I don’t believe in the conveyor belt, in “one size fits all”, when it pertains to how we react to what’s happening in our lives.

So maybe there are times when the insistently positive is not what we might want to hear. For those times, we need an alternative – one that acknowledges that we sometimes can’t sidestep or spin our situations. As there is success in our lives, and there is also unsuccess, in various forms: big and small, material and psychological, internal and external.

Of course saying this is just a reminder of what we actually already know. But it’s even an invitation to act as if we did actually know it, and to make the choice, to the best of our ability, to be absolutely unaffected by the fact that the world is constructed the way that it is (because let’s face it, it is, isn’t it?)

The ancient life-coachy cliché, “There is no failure, only feedback” could be an incredibly empowering slant. But so could “It is natural and really OK that we don’t always get, or get to keep, what we decided to put on our wish list”. Because once we bear in mind that the world was not created to be an infinite gratification machine for our each and every need and wish, life becomes not difficult, but considerably simpler!

It disappoints me that in the self-development industry the role models held up are people who have succeeded to a great extent (which invariably translates as raking in improbable numbers of dollars or by achieving international celebrity status by “selling” their ideas). Definitely a happy and meaningful life does not have to be like this?!
It may just be me, but individually I am a lot more impressed by people who have learnt to accept and live tremendously well with the unsuccesses they experience on their path.

Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas. Visit http://livethedifference.com.au for more information on Life Coach

Tags: happiness coach, Life Coach, Life Coach in Melbourne, Life coach Melbourne, Life Coaching, life coaching services, Melbourne life coach, Melbourne life coaches, NLP coach, personal life coach

It’s Better To Die As A Brave Man Than To Live Of Fear As A Coward

People seldom believe me when I say I used to have loads of Anger, but it’s true – so real that it entirely obscured few of the other exciting things going on in my head …

As Anger spent a lot less time staying with me it turned out to be clear that I had one more unwelcome flatmate, far less evident but equally draining of my resources: Fear. Now, when I used to be angry people observed, but as I have always had a more positive can-do attitude than the general average, my Fear is not something that I got(/get?) responses on. A pity – it would have been handy to know.

So what’s Fear? How does it manifest? It’s definitely a question which has drawn in a great deal of attention in the world of self-development, and pretty rightly so.

Now some of you might be telling, oh yes, but what about the awesome well-known quote “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”? As I have written somewhere else, I see this (pretty …) empowering statement as second best. And second best is what you obtain if you don’t target the best.

Best is to realise that you will be able to let go of Fear, and that means to understand what it is, and how it operates.
Fear is the belief that something “terrible” will, or (more commonly) may, take place. And that this is an issue.

Sometimes this sort of fear is about something quite likely – if your boss likes shouting at people and you’ve clearly stuffed up, what you fear is a definite possibility! Several other fears undeniably concern stuff in the “better not go out today – a satellite could land on my head” type.
My advice is not to chip hopefully away at Fear of Satellite-Induced Head Injury Syndrome, but to jump in at the deep end. Yes it’s probably going to take place, yes it will be a great deal of unFun, but yes, I have all the resources I require to come through in one piece, perhaps strong and delightful for it!

I frequently go to India. Some people fear India, presuming that it is a filthy dirty place flooded with poor people and beggars, a place where you will wait for several hours (or days) for late trains, be given wrong directions, become infected with many diseases, slip on cow shit, and not be able to get a decent latte.
And when people question me what India is like, I usually tell them exactly that (it’s true, after all …) but with a very big smile that says “and that is not something to be bothered about, but can be lots of fun to embrace”. And then I normally say “You should go – it’s amazing!” Which it simply is. Not just because of the bits I did not mention (architecture food scenery traditions people …) but because I know I have the resources essential to cope with the less fun things, and as I believe one of the greatest favours I could do someone is to encourage them to figure out that they do too.

Do it anyway, positively.
But abandon the Fear.

Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas. Visit http://livethedifference.com.au for more information on Life Coach

Tags: happiness coach, Life Coach, Life Coach in Melbourne, Life coach Melbourne, Life Coaching, life coaching services, Melbourne life coach, Melbourne life coaches, NLP coach, personal life coach

Focus- The Key To Happiness

Well, wouldn’t it be exciting to purchase a set of rosy-coloured glasses, and usually see the world all round us as pleasant and happier?
I believe that your answer is “Yes!”
So let’s consider one of the most vital building blocks of the “How to” of Happiness: Focus.

Yes, despite all of the exciting and lesser exciting things going on in your Conscious and Unconscious Mind, you can decide to focus on certain bits of details, and not on others. Where you place your focus helps to decide to a great level your moment-to-moment degree of Happiness.

This, very basically, is how it’s possible to survive under a tarpaulin beside a rubbish tip in the Third World and smile. Now, it will be silly to say that all the poor people in, say, India are happy, but mainly they completely fail to show the hardships we (with our map of the world) expect them to.

Interestingly, in their map of the world it’s great that they’re in a position to be together with their family every day (which perhaps for some of us in the West would work around as fine as staying under a tarpaulin!), and they see us wandering unaccompanied through their nation, thousands of miles from our parents and siblings, and apparently a fair few of them sense a profound sorrow that we’re missing out on life’s biggest delight. Meanwhile we’re focused on their poverty, dirty surroundings and the information that they’ll mostly by no means be able to afford a cappuccino machine, and feel sorry for them.

When people say “Oh but my life is so hard!” I refer them to this example, and they have to admit that yes, there are people with “difficult” lives who are happy – simply through the strength of Focus. Which means that, for them, their life is really not so difficult at all.

Luckily, you do not need to grow up in the Third World to observe the positive in your situation (although at times it seems to me that it helps!)
But we do have to be aware of some quite destructive cultural conditioning, which often says to us “You do not have enough. Get more. You do not have enough. Rush up before it is gone!”

The fact is, there will always be things we don’t have – have a look at all the bits of the universe that even a multi-billionaire like Bill Gates doesn’t have the wealth to buy, or the time to get round to enjoying. If there’s too much for him to buy/ get pleasure from/ produce, what hope is there for us?
So we can safely focus on what is within our grasp – the good things we already have in our lives, and the amazing things we are going to create for ourselves!

These days most of us have come across the concept “glass half full/glass half empty”. This is an ideal example of the power of Focus. If you decide to see the air above the beer, you’ll see a huge and empty emptiness, extending as far as you want it to.
But if you decide to see the beer, you’ll see beer. Or freshly squeezed tropical fruit juice. Or gold. Or love. Or Happiness.

Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas. Visit http://livethedifference.com.au for more information on Life Coach

Tags: happiness coach, Life Coach, Life Coach in Melbourne, Life coach Melbourne, Life Coaching, life coaching services, Melbourne life coach, Melbourne life coaches, NLP coach, personal life coach

Farewell Obstacles!

Ever ran into an obstacle? Ever not enjoyed it?

The finest part of counseling people through life coaching is witnessing the obstacles vanish in thin air, several times, obstacles that had bothered somebody’s life for quite a long period of time, say decades together. Which sometimes makes people ask: how was it that it appeared to be such a problem??

Well I guess it’s all a question of belief! Perception’s a humorous old thing – we may “know” that there’s a different way to see things, and we may even “be aware” that that would get us good results in life, but come what may belief often prefers to remain just the same as it’s ever been.

Almost all of us are aware of situations where a person who feels he is not being recognized properly and rewarded for his work and looks at that as an obstacle that can never be crossed – after all, if “they” can’t see how good I am, there’s no chance I’ll be able to go up to my “rightful” place, is there?
It can seem like rock-solid reality!

And yet it’s just perception. What if “they” in fact think I’m brilliant at my job and are planning to promote me the moment someone else moves on? What if they’re correct and that, actually, I’m not living up to my potential to be the great employee that they want me to be? What if the only thing that’s stopping them is my tiresome sufferer mentality? What if the person who’s actually undervaluing me is …
me?

This does not only relate to work, of course.

Are there any hikers out there? Hiking is a fantastic opportunity to experience the splendor and grandeur of this planet we live on, and to go out of our “comfort” (inertia?) zone and grow – becoming fitter, healthier, more strong-minded, more focused, and perhaps even smarter!

Not everyone feels the same way about this, of course. A typical hiking menu is likely also to comprise blisters, rain, heat, cold, heavy backpacks, uncomfortable nights in a tent, coupled with mountains that take a lot of effort to climb up, and streams that are icy and deep and for some reason don’t appear to have a bridge built over them even though you really need to get to the other side.
And it’s definitely one option to look at all this as being firmly in the “don’t even want to think about going there” category. Because it’s certainly not all “pleasurable”.

Now, if you’ve come across the life coaching scene in the Sound of Music, you may remember that just when Maria is in a completely stuck space, unsure of her life direction, the Mother Superior (head nun) unexpectedly bursts into song:
“Climb every mountain, ford every stream!”

I don’t know if she was a hiker, but it’s a brilliant metaphor! Yes, life comes with its challenges and obstacles. Yes, they will be things that you may not choose for yourself. But how much more manageable they can be, fun even, if we look at them like a hike!

Life may not at all times be a stroll in the park, but it can every time be a hike in the mountains.
Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas.

Visit http://livethedifference.com.au for more information on Life Coach in Melbourne

Tags: happiness coach, Life Coach, Life Coach in Melbourne, Life coach Melbourne, Life Coaching, life coaching services, Melbourne life coach, Melbourne life coaches, NLP coach, personal life coach